Tempered Cass

Friends, Hmmm, that's interesting.... Okay, as I type that word FRIENDS there is a sense of warm and gentle happy that bubbles up through my belly and softly tugs at the corner of my eyes, elevating my cheeks into a little eye smile....hello crows feet. This week my friends, it has been a doozey! I haven't completed the 2nd module in my Peace with Food and Soul because I had to take a step back. I had to FEEL some stuff that bubbled on up. The simple phrase that tugged me was a lesson about how Metabolism is more than the sum of calories and energy.... but the sum of that AND our thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It got me thinking, feeling and experiencing quite a lot. Some of you know I toyed with writing a book.... I started it, and stopped. I started again and stopped. I picked it back up and came face to face with memory, idea, feeling after memory, idea, feeling and sometimes it would be way too much to confront. I would write and then as if a wound would rip...

My friend Christina once told me that as the passionate person I am, I have really high highs and really low lows.... It's funny how when things like that are said out of love they stick with you. I had perceived that one of the WORST things as a woman to be called was "sensitive". Which of course I had been called on many occasions.... I have also been called too "hard". I think being described as TOO anything is enough to send the jaw into a firm clench right? Okay, well unless its something like, "DaAAYYYYUUmn Cass, you are just TOO awesome, cute, sexy, amazeballs...." Yeah, so those TOOs are just fine by me... But if we want to get honest, to call it like it is...the truth isn't exactly all the fun stuff. The whole sensitive thing still has a little bitter taste to it, but I am learning to embrace it. More on that in later posts. This week my "New Thing" journey has me peeking around the corner and reluctant to come face to fa...

"Ugh, I. am. SO. FAT. Just DISGUSTING." I tell myself as I try not to look at myself in the mirror. "There is no way my hubby actually finds this attractive.... how could he??" "Effing Hives!" I mutter under my breath as I scratch my legs raw. I grit my teeth as someone gives us the recommendation to eat someplace that has everything except real food and I try in vain to explain why I CAN'T eat that.... Recently, at an event that was designed to pamper and honor us, I got to eat an entire small plate of LETTUCE. Our name tags had our meal choice on it, so I literally walked around with a name tag that said lettuce on it. They say you are what you eat.... in my case there are so many times I feel like, for me, that just means my name tag should say "CAN'T" I can't lose weight, I can't eat what everyone else eats, I can't feel like the hyper bubbly me that I desperately want to be again because of my adrenal fatigue, I can...