Be Still
I want to pause here a moment to say I LOVE YOU AND APPRECIATE YOU! To everyone that has commented on my blog or shared it, or read it, or had the intention to read it even if you never went back to do it, if you knew about it and thought, "okay that's nice, good for you Cass..." and find that you have no desire to read it but love me anyway.......
Your encouragement and kindness overwhelm me! I am not great at blogging and have been unsuccessful in my many attempts to reply to you personally, those of you who have taken the time to send me a word.... Please know, I read every comment and I am so beyond grateful that you glean any joy or inspiration from this journey of mine. Thank you for coming along with me!! You are so loved.
Well, let's get into this week's part of my "new thing" journey, shall we?
Your encouragement and kindness overwhelm me! I am not great at blogging and have been unsuccessful in my many attempts to reply to you personally, those of you who have taken the time to send me a word.... Please know, I read every comment and I am so beyond grateful that you glean any joy or inspiration from this journey of mine. Thank you for coming along with me!! You are so loved.
Well, let's get into this week's part of my "new thing" journey, shall we?
In some translations, it says, "He leads me beside quiet waters".
My friends, Still and Quiet are.... So. NOT. the adjectives that would readily be pulled from the 'tell me about Cass' hat.
But you may or may not have noticed that this is exactly what I have been over the last few weeks....well at least the quiet part...the still part....a little at first and more as I finally started waking up to the roaring request from God that I do so.
I haven't written or posted anything in three weeks.
At first, it was because my body decided that the contents of my stomach must liberate themselves in the most unwelcome of times (okay.. I know, I know is there really ever a convenient time to upchuck? Nah but still....) on Easter evening.
After an amazing day, full of fun and laughter it all hit me suddenly, and I found myself down for the count (except I counted..... 6 full days.... eventually I was finally gifted my own holy seventh day :)
I guess I could have spent some of that time using my laptop to write and push out some attempt at an entertaining or inspirational post or something but instead, I totally binge-watched a full Netflix series, and slept, and shuffled the 200 feet from my bed to the bathroom and back. I cuddled the pillows and let my fever ebb and flow and I tried not to worry that this was a culmination of this mystery autoimmune illness my body seems determined to toy with....
Day 7 I felt better and I stepped out of my room, rested, a little weak and a lot determined to show up.... What was the occasion?
Prom.
My sons were supposed to go to prom but like so many of the traditional milestones, Prom would have to be COVID 19 style... We strung up lights and created selfie props, gold curtains, a wicked cool playlist, ordered pizza and Coke (Thank you Dominoes for having a gluten-free crust that is also soy-free and doesn't taste like I just cut a slice of the box it was delivered in to serve as the apparatus for bringing the toppings and wanna be pizza-eating experience into my face hole!) We even included nominations for and awarded the prestigious Prom Prince and Prom King recognitions.
We danced, and laughed, and behaved silly and to be honest with you it was one of the BEST prom experiences I had. My Junior prom was incredible, I went with my dear friend Brandon and our group of very good friends, JD, Valerie, Brandi and JJ. A night to remember for sure.
This one was the best Senior prom, for me it was like a re-do, and we were all together, our little family. Even our GSD took a turn dancing with the boys. Truly better than I had hoped.
So you would think that with renewed energy I would have had smoke flying off the keyboard in all the flurry and rejuvenation...but what happened instead was that I got still...
I didn't do it intentionally at first... At first I blamed sharing the laptop with my littlest (not so little) son so he could rock his online schooling.... I excused myself because on two other occasions I randomly found myself feeling just fine until the moment I hovered over the porcelain throne again and then was suddenly fine again.... I also pointed to the "catch up" I needed to do around the house since I had been down....
But what I began to discover, was though I wasn't consciously intending to pause at first, it was absolutely FULL of purpose.
I can see that now. The persistence in the message FINALLY had me taking notice.... in the week that followed my bedxile... (exile to bed). The messaging in my books, in the Mass, in my podcasts and even in the morning coaching messages from the new app I downloaded (the Fabulous App). In the Peace with Food and Soul program, in the "random" posts on Facebook and Insta, in the Chaplain's conversation with my hubby, in the TWO leadership books he was reading, the books I was reading.....
That message? Be Still.
Even during the hubbub of the awesome Prom at Home celebration what was still was my mind....it was not bouncing from to do's, wishes, insecurities about how I might look in these photos, or how silly I would seem teaching the iconic MUST-have-dance-for-every-prom-for-all-eternity, "the Tootsie Roll"...
Only a proper dance education for my boys ;)
I listened to our laughter, I felt the crow's feet form with my smile, I reveled in my heart beating and the feeling of my body moving. The way it felt to dance with all my boys...
I was still. Meaning I was fully awake, fully present.
Be in the moment, take ten, (10-15 minutes a day) look around, look within, get quiet, DO NOTHING. Absorb, receive, BE.
I even found myself SAYING to my kids, "Be still for a moment, so you can really listen before you speak..."
Hmmmmm Ever SAY the thing you needed to HEAR?
One of my favorite things to exclaim when I am overwhelmed with happy is "be still my heart!" What I mean is to tell my soul and my heart to find this time and space, pause and keep me here in this moment, don't go racing off into the next... instead, SAVOUR...
Why? Why do we wish in these moments we could stop time?
Because it is in the quiet savoring, in the stopping that we touch the very real ecstasy of a love lived out well. It is our human experience of being Adam in the famous painting on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel reaching out and seeing God's loving gaze upon us, holding the magnificence of the gift he wishes to give us, the gift that answers all the questions, why am I here? What is my purpose? Who am I? WHY me?
In our time and in such an abundant nation we consume so much. So much media, so much information, so much food, and we want, and we acquire stuff. We stuff so much in that we sometimes don't even realize that we never even "chewed" we just gulped, and gulped and gulped barely if at all coming up for air (remember our last chat??? BREATHE??) and then wonder why our bellies hurt. In this metaphor, our bellies are literal and also figurative.
Literal because I often feel stress about what is the right thing to eat, how much, when, how, and I wonder why my gut is swollen and pain ridden...it doesn't make sense!! We cry out (at least I do) I am DOING the right things, I am being "good" I am not eating "bad" foods...I SHOULD look like this for all I have been doing and sacrificing and grasping at.... But that is the voice of pining.
It's not all wrong...I eat better than I did when I was a cute little waist and the only robust things about me were my attitude and derriere.
But I haven't really allowed myself to be on the journey have I? I haven't really said to that voice, okay.... I hear you and I understand. Now let's sit and see what happens? I haven't said, that has been true for us, but its time for the whisper in our heart to take the stage now...let's hear what it has to say...
After an amazing day, full of fun and laughter it all hit me suddenly, and I found myself down for the count (except I counted..... 6 full days.... eventually I was finally gifted my own holy seventh day :)
I guess I could have spent some of that time using my laptop to write and push out some attempt at an entertaining or inspirational post or something but instead, I totally binge-watched a full Netflix series, and slept, and shuffled the 200 feet from my bed to the bathroom and back. I cuddled the pillows and let my fever ebb and flow and I tried not to worry that this was a culmination of this mystery autoimmune illness my body seems determined to toy with....
Day 7 I felt better and I stepped out of my room, rested, a little weak and a lot determined to show up.... What was the occasion?
Prom.
My sons were supposed to go to prom but like so many of the traditional milestones, Prom would have to be COVID 19 style... We strung up lights and created selfie props, gold curtains, a wicked cool playlist, ordered pizza and Coke (Thank you Dominoes for having a gluten-free crust that is also soy-free and doesn't taste like I just cut a slice of the box it was delivered in to serve as the apparatus for bringing the toppings and wanna be pizza-eating experience into my face hole!) We even included nominations for and awarded the prestigious Prom Prince and Prom King recognitions.
We danced, and laughed, and behaved silly and to be honest with you it was one of the BEST prom experiences I had. My Junior prom was incredible, I went with my dear friend Brandon and our group of very good friends, JD, Valerie, Brandi and JJ. A night to remember for sure.
This one was the best Senior prom, for me it was like a re-do, and we were all together, our little family. Even our GSD took a turn dancing with the boys. Truly better than I had hoped.
So you would think that with renewed energy I would have had smoke flying off the keyboard in all the flurry and rejuvenation...but what happened instead was that I got still...
I didn't do it intentionally at first... At first I blamed sharing the laptop with my littlest (not so little) son so he could rock his online schooling.... I excused myself because on two other occasions I randomly found myself feeling just fine until the moment I hovered over the porcelain throne again and then was suddenly fine again.... I also pointed to the "catch up" I needed to do around the house since I had been down....
But what I began to discover, was though I wasn't consciously intending to pause at first, it was absolutely FULL of purpose.
I can see that now. The persistence in the message FINALLY had me taking notice.... in the week that followed my bedxile... (exile to bed). The messaging in my books, in the Mass, in my podcasts and even in the morning coaching messages from the new app I downloaded (the Fabulous App). In the Peace with Food and Soul program, in the "random" posts on Facebook and Insta, in the Chaplain's conversation with my hubby, in the TWO leadership books he was reading, the books I was reading.....
That message? Be Still.
Even during the hubbub of the awesome Prom at Home celebration what was still was my mind....it was not bouncing from to do's, wishes, insecurities about how I might look in these photos, or how silly I would seem teaching the iconic MUST-have-dance-for-every-prom-for-all-eternity, "the Tootsie Roll"...
Only a proper dance education for my boys ;)
I listened to our laughter, I felt the crow's feet form with my smile, I reveled in my heart beating and the feeling of my body moving. The way it felt to dance with all my boys...
I was still. Meaning I was fully awake, fully present.
Be in the moment, take ten, (10-15 minutes a day) look around, look within, get quiet, DO NOTHING. Absorb, receive, BE.
I even found myself SAYING to my kids, "Be still for a moment, so you can really listen before you speak..."
Hmmmmm Ever SAY the thing you needed to HEAR?
One of my favorite things to exclaim when I am overwhelmed with happy is "be still my heart!" What I mean is to tell my soul and my heart to find this time and space, pause and keep me here in this moment, don't go racing off into the next... instead, SAVOUR...
Why? Why do we wish in these moments we could stop time?
Because it is in the quiet savoring, in the stopping that we touch the very real ecstasy of a love lived out well. It is our human experience of being Adam in the famous painting on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel reaching out and seeing God's loving gaze upon us, holding the magnificence of the gift he wishes to give us, the gift that answers all the questions, why am I here? What is my purpose? Who am I? WHY me?
In our time and in such an abundant nation we consume so much. So much media, so much information, so much food, and we want, and we acquire stuff. We stuff so much in that we sometimes don't even realize that we never even "chewed" we just gulped, and gulped and gulped barely if at all coming up for air (remember our last chat??? BREATHE??) and then wonder why our bellies hurt. In this metaphor, our bellies are literal and also figurative.
Literal because I often feel stress about what is the right thing to eat, how much, when, how, and I wonder why my gut is swollen and pain ridden...it doesn't make sense!! We cry out (at least I do) I am DOING the right things, I am being "good" I am not eating "bad" foods...I SHOULD look like this for all I have been doing and sacrificing and grasping at.... But that is the voice of pining.
It's not all wrong...I eat better than I did when I was a cute little waist and the only robust things about me were my attitude and derriere.
But I haven't really allowed myself to be on the journey have I? I haven't really said to that voice, okay.... I hear you and I understand. Now let's sit and see what happens? I haven't said, that has been true for us, but its time for the whisper in our heart to take the stage now...let's hear what it has to say...
I for so long have been trying to FORCE, and WILL, and SCREAM myself and my body into submission...but that isn't the gift that is waiting for me! That isn't even the whole truth, is it? It has been the way I see it, but that has been a finite mindset... I have been trying to take CONTROL over my body and mind when it is precisely in the letting go that I find the freedom I so desperately crave.
Let's be clear, I MUST choose nutrition so that I may nourish my body and soul. I MUST move with purpose and joy so that I may strengthen my body and soul. But the WAY I do it MUST be different.... It is in the small moments that show me I DO in fact have the strength and power within me to change my experience, even my body in some ways, but not by force...It happens when I take the hand of the creator and work with him in the constantly changing and beautiful work of art HE is creating WITH and IN me.
What do I want, grasp, yearn for??? To be beautiful! Of course! I want to be RADIANT and the thing with our fallen, busy, LOUD world and inner dialogue is, it gets in the way and drowns out the sweet whisper of Love. of Now.
I'm going to forget, and I am going to try to beat myself into submission sometimes. I am going to look around me and compare myself and lean in on the lies, but Thank God His voice though gentle whisper will never stop calling and bringing me sweetly back to reality. The reality that THIS moment, This journey; It is a beautiful adventure, and I am never more beautiful, never more radiant than when I let Him lead me to STILL and QUIET waters.
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