Dear Coach

Writing this letter has been something I have been gnawing on for some time and while I have debated my approach, lost my hair, cried some tears, and balled my fists I realize like so much of the human experience I surely am not the only one who may feel my plight.

Friends, in this letter is the PERSON we refer to lovingly as "coach". Meaning the human being I entrust my most precious treasures to, and I do so with a few expectations. The person the dictionary says a coach is, is:

1. "one who instructs or trains <an acting coach> <a birth coach>; especially  :  one who instructs players in the fundamentals of a sport and directs team strategy <a football coach> <a pitching coach> <a gymnastics coach>" -Merriam -Webster DictionaryFor the Purpose of this letter I will use the sports coach.

Coach, 

First, I want to thank you. 

You have taken what you love and turned it into a valuable service and gift to others. I assume you found yourself coaching this team with high expectations for  yourself and those in your charge. 

I wonder if your spouse jokes around like we do that this sport was and is your first love. That makes me smile. I thank you for the years it has taken to train, strive, achieve, learn and experience all that you must to earn the title you bear.

Second, I would like to share with you what you can expect from us as the family of the young person you are training. 

We have read the parent/athlete handbook and signed the appropriate liability waivers and codes of conduct. We recognize that we are to trust in all that experience and training you have...we humbly accept that you most likely know more about how to coach than we do and we appreciate all the time and effort it takes to do so. 

We will yell and scream during the game for every positive action, encouraging the fruits of all your combined labor and pat our kid on the back and ruffle his hair with a grin meant for both of you. 

We will mutter under our breath when the ump or ref calls a bad one and kick the proverbial sand when it doesn't go our way. We will tell our kid that we know how it feels to put your heart in the game and get shut out, but will praise our kid for leaving it all out on the field (court, lane, be it as it may). 

Because we do know how that feels, we will know in our mind's eye that this is an important life lesson that  sometimes, even when you try your hardest you don't always win and you aren't MVP or a trophy toting tiger. 

We know that it takes losing with grace to know how to really pick yourself up and appreciate the sweet taste of accomplished victory. We will drive them everywhere they need to be. Barring any major challenges we will also try our hardest to be early. You can count on us above all else to continue to uphold the standards and values we painstakingly instilled in our child especially to respect your authority. 

To be honest, fair, and encouraging to their fellow team mates. To put forth our best but not be too hard on ourselves or others when things didn't quite happen the way we thought they should. 

Third, what we expect from you is seemingly pretty obvious but may not be. 

We expect you to be honest so as to encourage where improvements can be made and not to pacify our kiddo if they aren't the greatest. If there are areas they are stuck and really struggling to overcome, we expect you to demonstrate resolve, empathy, and critical thinking. 

We know you can't spend the entire practice with our kid; it is a team after all. We do expect you work to build comprehension, athleticism, and confidence. The ways to do this are vast. Some coaching styles are more aggressive than others, we appreciate that the coach is as human as we are. 

We expect that coaching our child be taken seriously and that means using the art of all that discipline you must have to excel athletically and applying it to the interactions you have with our child. What you would never tolerate from a peer, parent, player, or ump know that the same rules apply to the smaller person in front of you, they should never be asked to tolerate those behaviors in you. 

They should never feel intimidated by you or adopt a feeling that they are worthless, invaluable, or any variety of the kinds of name calling that finds its way into our behaviors. It can be tempting to express yourself in a myriad of ways that are less becoming out of frustration with the kids...Trust us, we live with them so we understand. What we expect is that you treat this smallish human with as much respect as you would have bestowed on you, at all times. You have a tough job. 

You are a mentor, you are in many cases a hero and we want to share in the creation of that legacy for you. Use encouraging words and affirmations, don't placate us with dishonesty but share with us the challenges you see and be realistic with your expectations. If you fail to meet these or any exceptions be accountable for yourself, own your mistakes and make appropriate corrections.

 More than anything we expect you to understand this: as our kids grow into the adults they will be more and more time will be spent with you and their teammates than with us. When you foster an atmosphere that rejects violence, profanity, indulgence, bullying, and so much more and choose one of brotherhood (and sisterhood) where teammates know they are expected to be respectful and protective of each other, an environment where the shaping of the PERSON as a team player, an exceptional winner, a learner of mistakes, a lover of excellence, and commitment to perseverance you will have done so much more than winning a league title or championship, you will have formed the hearts and minds of men and women who are vastly better than the world gives them credit for. 

You will have shown our kids that men and women in the real world can live lives of virtue and that when they look up to you they can see the kind of life they might and should have.

Thank you
Truly again I say thank you, the time and energy you pour into this is immense and I hope that you know how important it is to us that we work together to RAISE our kids up. 

These expectations are high, I know. Are you up to striving to win THAT game? We are. 

Put us in Coach.

Sincerely, Parent