Tempered Cass

I have been experiencing some wicked heartburn, indigestion, and reflux lately. My question to my dear friend Beth on our group call in the Peace with Food and Soul program I have been in was how to identify triggers and causes and potential remedies because I have been eating tums like it's 2001 (in 2001 I was preggers with my oldest son and legit should have bought stock). So I am fully expecting that we are going to explore foods or exercises or even ways to sit....I could never have anticipated how our conversation was going to turn. I studied behavioral health in college so the connection should have been something that I would have at least pondered somewhere in my subconscious, but alas, it didn't bubble up even as a whisper. "Do you trust yourself with food?"  Beth asked me with genuine curiosity. ..... ummmmm ..... "Nope," I said.  "Huh, no I do not."  Now there is so much that I know about nutrition. On this journey to find healing I hav...

We had just moved back to the states from Germany and I saw an advertisement for a play called Bus Stop.  Ever the novice, I was unfamiliar with William Inge and the play written to memorialize a particular time and place of midwestern life and- like all clever playwrights- to poke a little fun too.  I pulled my dark hair back out of my face and put makeup on for the first time in I don't know how long. I put on my lucky blue shirt... sadly, that shirt doesn't fit my ever-blooming frame anymore...could explain a lot actually.... Side note: The shirt is lucky because I wore it when I had my first ever audition and again for the audition that set me firmly in the 1800s and no longer an only child but the eldest of four daughters (Little Women).  And that first glorious director, Victoria in Germany, who bravely took a chance on me, a young mom, with virtually no theatre experience unless you count a 5-second cameo in a high school play. Her willingness to take me in and tea...

Okay, so truth be told I don't know anything about these little Pokemon guys except that my youngest son loved them when he was little. He recently scored a pack of Pokemon cards and discovered that he had the Shiny Charizard GX. He burst into the room and laid it out in-front of me. Blink. Blink. I didn't get it. But he was so happy I knew it had to be special. He said, "Mom this card sold for $10,000 once!" He asked if he could start his own eBay account and sell his cards so that he could earn the money he is saving for "The Goods" bat. This bat is going to be so sweet. He has it personalised... It is the two-piece composite one, it will have his number and name on it....You can see him visualise himself hitting dingers in the game, the roar of his mama and papa cheering loudly over the rest of the crowd as he rounds the bases and waves at his adoring fans. This isn't just A bat....it is THE bat. LOL, for you folks who are neither baseball or...

I want to pause here a moment to say I LOVE YOU AND APPRECIATE YOU! To everyone that has commented on my blog or shared it, or read it, or had the intention to read it even if you never went back to do it, if you knew about it and thought, "okay that's nice, good for you Cass..." and find that you have no desire to read it but love me anyway....... Your encouragement and kindness overwhelm me! I am not great at blogging and have been unsuccessful in my many attempts to reply to you personally, those of you who have taken the time to send me a word.... Please know, I read every comment and I am so beyond grateful that you glean any joy or inspiration from this journey of mine. Thank you for coming along with me!! You are so loved. Well, let's get into this week's part of my "new thing" journey, shall we? In some translations, it says, "He leads me beside quiet waters". My friends, Still and Quiet are.... So. NOT. the adjectives tha...

So if you have met me, or heard of me, or read a little of my writing you might gather that I am a bit....distractable? All over the place? Um, scattered? My BFF in high school used to say that I didn't walk anywhere, I scurried. The poor dear must be a saint because she is one of my closest friends to this day... She has withstood years of my inability to fully focus and the incessant bounce from one thought, one conversation, one thing to another. I love you, Terisa. I have been told I write like I talk...in big sweeping stories that MAY eventually land on my original thought...try to stay with me :) The truth is, I kind of live that way too and have for a very very long time. Last week, I talked about how COVID-19 has brought in the lovely and somewhat challenging simplicity of life that halts all "non-essential" tasks and opens all the windows of my soul to bare both my apple-pie-on-the-sill emotions as well as those ones that are filled with the putrid spoiled-...

Friends, Hmmm, that's interesting.... Okay, as I type that word FRIENDS there is a sense of warm and gentle happy that bubbles up through my belly and softly tugs at the corner of my eyes, elevating my cheeks into a little eye smile....hello crows feet. This week my friends, it has been a doozey! I haven't completed the 2nd module in my Peace with Food and Soul because I had to take a step back. I had to FEEL some stuff that bubbled on up. The simple phrase that tugged me was a lesson about how Metabolism is more than the sum of calories and energy.... but the sum of that AND our thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It got me thinking, feeling and experiencing quite a lot. Some of you know I toyed with writing a book.... I started it, and stopped. I started again and stopped. I picked it back up and came face to face with memory, idea, feeling after memory, idea, feeling and sometimes it would be way too much to confront. I would write and then as if a wound would rip...

My friend Christina once told me that as the passionate person I am, I have really high highs and really low lows.... It's funny how when things like that are said out of love they stick with you. I had perceived that one of the WORST things as a woman to be called was "sensitive". Which of course I had been called on many occasions.... I have also been called too "hard". I think being described as TOO anything is enough to send the jaw into a firm clench right? Okay, well unless its something like, "DaAAYYYYUUmn Cass, you are just TOO awesome, cute, sexy, amazeballs...." Yeah, so those TOOs are just fine by me... But if we want to get honest, to call it like it is...the truth isn't exactly all the fun stuff. The whole sensitive thing still has a little bitter taste to it, but I am learning to embrace it. More on that in later posts. This week my "New Thing" journey has me peeking around the corner and reluctant to come face to fa...

"Ugh, I. am. SO. FAT. Just DISGUSTING." I tell myself as I try not to look at myself in the mirror. "There is no way my hubby actually finds this attractive.... how could he??" "Effing Hives!" I mutter under my breath as I scratch my legs raw. I grit my teeth as someone gives us the recommendation to eat someplace that has everything except real food and I try in vain to explain why I CAN'T eat that.... Recently, at an event that was designed to pamper and honor us, I got to eat an entire small plate of LETTUCE. Our name tags had our meal choice on it, so I literally walked around with a name tag that said lettuce on it. They say you are what you eat.... in my case there are so many times I feel like, for me, that just means my name tag should say "CAN'T" I can't lose weight, I can't eat what everyone else eats, I can't feel like the hyper bubbly me that I desperately want to be again because of my adrenal fatigue, I can...